IT ENDS TONIGHT :)

wooooh..
tomorrow is a brand new day!!
a brand new year!!
and i hope, a brand new life for me!! haha!!

i'm not so excited..but i'm counting down!! hahaha!!!
uhm, meg will be here tomorrow..
and she'll be tasting the mango float and the fruit salad that i made!! :))

PS:
i am loving tumblr.



i love her sooo much!!
thank You LORD!!

WAR....again

we had a fight today..you know, some sort of misunderstandings once again..haixt
i feel so stupid. i don't wanna talk about this thing but my hands keep on typing on this shit.
yeah, i admit it. it's all my fault. i am so childish and that's the glitch. pfft!!

uhm. one day to go. it's new year.
not so excited. i've never been.
i just want to be taken away to January.
i'm done with this year, i'm tired of everyone here.



i guess. this is enough for now.

PS
i still love and treasure my diary more than this blog. so i wont give exact informations in my life. this is still on the Internet,an extremely dangerous stuff. i don't wanna risk everything. i'm still scared.

PS2
we're planning to make a Youtube account.
it would be exciting. :|

i miss her. i love her. and i don't wanna lose her :(

erm. random.

just want you to know that im online.

done :)

reunion success!!

err..i guess not..meh it was soooo boring dude.
i mean, we just sat there, eat, talk, and stuffs..it was fun, but i still find it so boring because i really want to swim!!but they do not want too.even Jab.haixt :(

haixt kailinit ahhhhh!!! hmmmp!!!!!!!!!

J U G G L I N G

       .•*¨`*•..¸♥☼♥ ¸.•*¨`*•.*¨`*•..¸♥☼♥¸.•*¨`*•.
╔═════════ ೋღ❤ღೋ ═════════╗
.♫♫....♫♫♫ Merry Christmas ..♫♫♫......♫♫.
╚═════════ ೋღ❤ღೋ ═════════╝

waaahahah!! im soooo much addicted to Circus stuffs right now!! and i'm craving to learn how to juggle three balls!! i've tried it at home and i really can't do it..so then again, youtube is the answer :) 

it is the basic. and i really look stupid here on the net cafe. lol.

i keep trying to hide my hands, because i'm copying the moves of the guy secretly.. it is so awwwkwaaard!

eeeehhh!!!

by the way, i watched the half of the movie Enchanted on TV..and i kinda love it. i'm plannig to watch the first half of it later :)

so..i think this is really it.toodles baby :)

PS

i'm getting ready for the reunion tomorrow :)

but you know what, i keep thinking of something so horrible..

err, i'm thinking its my last day her on earth tomorrow.

mehh..imaginations!

its Christmas!! :)

i spent my time with my beloved wife :) ahaha

i really enjoyed the afternoon with her..and i think this is the best gift i ever received in this Christmas. :)

we wasted our time putting on nail polishes..colors like neon green, neon orange, and other eewie colors! lol

but hey i love it!! haha!!

err..my Christmas wasn't so nice though..i have to wake up 5:30am to attend the church"s Christmas Morn Service and i really got tired of listening to that fil-am guy who made his "sharing of experience" a very long one!! i mean, it is just supposed to be 5-15min of sharing!! but gosh!!!!! he probably took 20min introducing himself!! if i were him, i should really notice how people act..the congregation wasn't really attentive as time goes by, they go in and out of the church--like my mom. she got tired of listening to his pretty boring speech..its horrible than our Sociology class which i thought was the ever boring thing on this whooooole wiiiiide wooooooorrrrrllllddd!! well.im being overacting here. but thanks. after 35min, he was done :)

erm..i think, i shouldn't elaborate things here on the blog. i have to go. baboooo :)

haircut.

bang.i've cut mah hair.
haha. its pretty cute. and i really really DON'T like it.
i mean, i love my hair!! my old hair!!
but mom told me that i really dont look so good with it so i had to get rid of it..
she said "its Christmas after all"
so what?!!!


by the way, its Christmas eve..and i'm not so excited..
i mean, there is something special. but we chose not to have the usual noche buena thing..
i'll just spend my night talking with my God :)


i think that's all.im pretty busy..
talk to you later :)

A STUPID THING CALLED LOVE.

i can barely type. i am so depressed. :(
i think, this is really it. the end of all.
the last update on this blog. i quit.
i can not bear the pain any longer.
i'm giving up.
oh God. thank You so much.
You gave me the best Christmas gift in my whole entire life.
the gift called FREEDOM.

gosh!!

hey :)
wala lang.badtrip kagina.
subong indi na!!
haha :)
mu lang na gang :)
byeeeeee!!

meg,
I love your eyes, I love looking into them, I feel so, so safe inside them, you know you're inside me, you're inside my heart, right at the center, and you always will be.

the reunion thing

Err. Should i say "together again" for the sake of our classmate Nel?LOL

He keeps on insisting that it is not "reunion" but its just a thing called "together again"

..but nevermind him.anyway, i just wanna inform you about this.

The reunion thing would be on December 27, 2010. In Soleo Beach, one of the nearest beach here in the city. Well, I really don't know if I should come. I think it would be a total bore..but Jab said that we'll gonna enjoy it..so I guess, that's it.

err.anyway, have i told you that..errrr I FORGOT!! WHAT THE....

Honestly, I really forgot what should I say!! gosh!! er, write I mean.

so, aha!! ---remembered :)

well, I'm a bit of sad about our city these Christmas days..

maybe because usual things are missing ---like the Carnival, the "Baclaran" (sort of a chain stores in tent) and some other stuffs.

I wasn't really shocked when I found out that there wouldn't be any Carnivals in town, because the usual place where the Carnival stays is under construction -- (i don't know, maybe they'll build a private school there)

..but I can't accept the fact that Baclarans are not around the plaza, because I LOVE THEM!!

i love window shopping, i love those cheap stuffs that they're selling, i love all of it!

now, it's pretty boring if the night program is gone.there's no cheap Carnival right there, and the usual bright lights on the store tents that i really admire are nowhere to be seen :( and we really have no choice but to go home early.

titanic madness!!

gosh im so sory i havent updated you for years!!!!

 well anyway, this afternoon, we had this gift giving thing to our neighbors (i mean, children only)

we gave them clothes, good, and stuffs

i've enjoyed it..but went even more happier when i went to meg's house around 1pm..

i miss her sooo much..we havent met for three days an i really really miss her!!

then..of course we talked. hugged. kissed. and stuff. lol

we spent the whole afternoon together, lying on her bed kissing..and hugging each other.

talking craps and other stuffs. it wasnt boring though..

especially im with her.. eehhh!! (real shivers!!)

and before i went home, we brought "inasal" on the road.. i love it!!

and i saw my aunt, (she doesnt know that im going there in Sibucao casually..) so i have to hide..we ran and hid on the nearest house and poof..success!!

by the way, she lend me the DVD of Titanic..(rrrrhh.classic.)

but i love it!! i love it to the bones!!

i love kate..i love leonardo!! i love the whole story!!!

then.i went crying like a baby again when the boat was sinking..and i really have to turn off our TV when jack died..i was really crying so hard..like i was rose.lol

my brother asked me what's wrong, and i just said "i cant find my cellphone.." wtf. i was holding it that time.lol

err..what else?

gosh!! what the fuck!!

the couple beside me is doing their ORATIONS!!

get me?? kissing!! PDA!!

i have this picture at the back of our alarm clock. haha

eeeh!! have to go now.. toodles!

hotel626.. :)

hey!!!were playing..hotel 626..
and meg is getting scared!!!bleh...hahahaha..

ahmm..teeee!!
tapos kuno naxa yah..
okay, aku naman

hehe..its me again :)
actually the game hasn't started yet!!
eeehhh!!
toodles!!

hello :)

hahah!! well..Computer 2 exams are done -- and i hate it.. arggghhh!!
by the way (i really dont wanna talk about it)
Meg and I spent time together in the city plaza last night!!
i was soo happy that time because she was making me feel that i'm so special.
she was "camera-shy" but she let me took pictures of her for the sake of my happiness :)

and then she was taking pictures of lights again..i envy her!!
she was boasting about her "talent" and i cant argue with that because its true.. wtf.
haixt..ewan..
wait lang matuon na ku ah :)
sabad kei neya kag edrielle.haha

PS
ginbutangan yah ku bala sang kyutex sa face!!
ayawan gid ko remove yah!!!

5 followers?? :)

hungry

sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hungryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy





:(

O P E N I N G L I G H T S

sa city plaza subong..
i will just have a quick update here and we'll go. :)

err..we're together. :)
i love her!!
byeee!!
or should i say, BRB??
lol :)

haha!!

soo happy today!!
bati na kami..
she gave me a kiss two seconds ago :)

eeehhh!!
mu lang na ah..
hehe mwaahh!!
i love you meg!!

take a look at this..hahah!!

CONNECTION!!

eeehhh!!

kadugai magloading ahh!!
arrggghhh!!!

mu lang na guro ah..
im here in school..no classes
wahahahaha!!
a quick update :)

padugo mayu..

 

And it's all in how you mix the two,
And it starts just where the light exists.
It's a feeling that you cannot miss,
And it burns a hole,
Through everyone that feels it.

Well you're never gonna find it,
If you're looking for it,
Won't come your way,yeah
Well you'll never find it,
If your looking for it. (looking for it)

Should've done something, but I've done it enough.
By the way, your hands were shaking,
Rather waste some time with you.

And you never would have thought in the end,
How amazing it feels just to live again,
It's a feeling that you cannot miss,
It burns a hole, through everyone that feels it.

Well you're never gonna find it,
If you're looking for it, won't come your way, yeah
Well you'll never find it, if you're looking for it. (looking for it)

Should've done something, but I've done it enough.
By the way, your hands were shaking.
Rather waste some time with you.

Should've said something, but I've said it enough.
By the way, my words were faded.
Rather waste some time with you.

(Time with you... time with you time with you
Waste some time with you... waste some time with you)

Should've done something, but I've done it enough.
By the way, your hands were shaking.
Rather waste my time with you.

Should've said something, but I've said it enough.
By the way, my words were faded.
Rather waste my time with you.

Should've done something, but I've done it enough.
By the way, my hands were shaking.
Rather waste some time with you.

Waste some time with you...
Waste some time with you...
Waste some time with you...
Waste some time with you...
Waste some time with you...
Waste some time with you...
Waste some time with you...

(fading)
Should've done something, but I've done it enough.
By the way, my hands were shaking.
Rather waste some time with you.

it ends tonight.

the war..was done.

but it didn't end in a nice way.

i'm so sad about it.:(

i just have to tell the story before anything else:

te kay nagshopping kami ni Earth sa Lucky99 Store (sa Paradise)

and then wai xa japun gareply sakun mung..but surprisingly, i saw her sa plaza (sa kilid sang girl's lavatory) nga gakaun sang fries..like we used to do..:( i yelled her name as a usual greeting..but then she just ignored me..wai nya gid ku gani gintulok. :( ginsapak xa ni Earth, she said, "puli na kamo?diri lang ko ta ah" jun muh na eh..ginPALAPITAN KO NA GID XA..kay indi nagid ko kaagwanta.i asked her "te indi kagid magsunod??" two times..gahulat si Nanay, so i need to go..wai nya gid ko ginsapak..muh na eh.. i was just biting my tongue para ndi ko kahibi sa tubangan ni Nanay ko.. puh sang naghiwalay na kami..(ako pakadto Roelyn, xa yah sa balay) muh na to pagbreakdown ko..i looked like a fool kay cge ko lakat, cge man ko sang hibi2x..it was like, i was lost. haixt

 

nakipagbreak nalang ko cya ah..

wai naman pulos kabuhi ko now that she's not a part of it.

she keeps me living..she's my life. :(

and now that she's gone, i have to go naman..

i don't know where.. but maybe.. sa lugar nga di na ku kahibi.. ndi na ku mahurt. :(

haixt Lord. what do You really want me to learn?

nabuldayan nagid ko kaayu Lord yah..

sturyahanay naman ta ni karun buong magdamag i guess..

im planning to commit suicide pag-abot ku sa balay..

may the Lord forgive me and hug me when my breathe stops.

i will always be loving her..forever.

meg, plangga tagid ka ha..

dont cry..i love you chubz ko.forever.

Christmas Party :(

Christmas party subong sa school.
10:00am cguro nagstart and right now, gakaun-kaun palang to cla.
i don't hate parties puh, nabadtrip gid ku yah..mu na nga nagkadto nalang ku di.
i ought to be happy but there are so many ways to be sad.
first off, it's just a little misunderstanding lang man ah..nag-away kami.
te kay i saw my cousin, Janine. then i gave her a kiss.. well, indi manlang ako ang nagkiss ya ah..pati xa man, it's not a big deal para samun ang lips to lips smack thing. (though its our first time to do it) sa public pa beh.hehe
some boys were staring at us gani muh, haha..but its Jab who took it seriously, gulpi lang xa nadula and then pagbalik nya, wala nya na ko ginsapak. haixt
daw kailinit bala haw, i asked her eh. mu 2 jun ginhambal yah nga she felt so jealous with my cousin. WHAT THE FUCK?! teh wai ku gani mayu nagreact sang gin-open topic yah si Blankie (TJ). (her ex-love) she was our classmate man ah sang high school. uhm muh na eh. she told me sang nagkaun kami sa 1-stop that she saw Blankie sa 3rd floor, then they high-fived then Blankie wont get rid of her hands (xa:te indi man ko kapalag) yuta! and then she attempted to slid Jab's hands inside her shirt or her shoulders lang. i dunno. she seems so "mailap" with her own tale. muh na jun..
tapos wala man ko nagdaug sa ticket. its worth P5000. biskan consolation nalang tani bala haw. haixt.
i hate this day. i hate myself. i just wanna die.

im gonna check these out later:
emo quotes
emo quotes again

PS:
im so hungry..
i still love her :(

disconnected

meg loves this song :)



err not really.(according to her)

meg??

she's kind of not herself lately.
i don't know why.
we're together now.
but.

Bored

Remembrance of My Death

Around, all around, the angels gather.
My dread grows as the angry hand of Heaven falls against my heart.
It slays me, and darkly my
life's blood drips
to the thirsty earth.
In agony I fall limply
while my doom approaches.
Now alone, my cry of mercy falls upon dead eyes.
This is my doom


Demons

Demons with evil faces, 
gothic skulls from human races, 
inviting death to the living, 
like its thanks giving. 
Fire of the dragons mouth burns 
the souls of the living. 

A God That is Yours

slender beams of moonlight enter
this darken church as i kneel,
always a slave,
always forlorn,
frozen here,
waiting.

haloed forms wrought in panes
of glass loom as dust
dances in the air,
forming an image in my mind,
infilterating my shamed eyes.

realization dawning on a child's face.

i raise my head,
now kneeling
before this callous fate.

RANDOM POEM

She was just a girl, with girlish hopes and dreams.
Wanted to be a princess, she wanted to be the queen.
She had everything she wanted, the things she didn’t need.
She was just a girl, who come you couldn’t see?

You told her that you could make her a star.
But all you did was on her heart leave a scar.
You told her that she could trust you.
So she let you have her soul.
She was just a girl, it didn’t mean you could take control.

Now her mother sits and wonders, blames herself for all the pain.
She still waits for the sunshine to come after the rain.
So go ahead and be a man we all know you know how.
You’ll use your force, your power, your strength.
What more harm can you do now?

She was just a girl, with girlish hopes and dreams.
Wanted to be a princess, she wanted to be the queen.
None of this matters now, cause these dreams will not come true.
The doctor said she’ll never wake up.
And this is all because of you.

You took everything you wanted.
You took everything she had.
You took everything she hoped for.
When you were supposed to be her dad.

this is the poem i made :)

it doesn't have a title yet.
i made it last night.

here it goes:

crouching rather than sitting
while twirling my long hair
listening when someone talks
acting as if she cares

a nerd without glasses
a geek without rashes
a "tomboy" wearing heels
who loves taking sleeping pills

asleep when you're awake
awake when you're asleep
thinks mess is a piece of cake
sometimes known as the black sheep

a girl who likes girls
a thinks that boys are dumb
in the morning she eats my nails
at night she sucks her thumb

don't be too excited
read on, but don't cram
'cause the right time has come
for you to know who i really am

I LOVE THIS SONG!

Its January 1970, do you remember me
You put me on a boat across the sea, in the name of victory
But much to my surprised when I arrived, there was no welcoming committee
Instead there was a man for me to kill, and now I see all this too real


Then I saw him standing with a bayonet
and as I ran towards him he hardly broke a sweat
When I took his life he fell to his knees
And as his eyes began to fade he whispered softly


Godspeed this letter, away from here
I've sealed it with my tears, and stomped it with my fists
And godspeed this letter, away from you
My work down here is through
I'm on my way to better days and so are you


I'm in his pocket that I saw the picture of his children and his family
And I began to realize this person I despised, in actuality
Was not much different from myself
we probably could have taught each other many things
And now I know its much too late although I couldn't hesitate
I checked his gun, and his chamber was empty

Then I saw him standing with a bayonet
and as I ran towards him he hardly broke a sweat
When I took his life he fell to his knees
And as his eyes began to fade he whispered softly

Godspeed this letter, away from here
I've sealed it with my tears, and stomped it with my fists
And godspeed this letter, away from you
My work down here is through
I'm on my way to better days and so are you

o-ho
We know not what we've done
And o-ho
We know not what we've done

Godspeed this letter, away from here
I've sealed it with my tears, and stomped it with my fists
And godspeed this letter, away from you
My work down here is through
I'm on my way to better days
And so are you

hahaha!!

wahahah!!
i love herrr sooo much!!
maatend kami dugay2x prayer meeting sa church..
kag heyyy!! i've already found the REAL Annasophia Robb in Facebook.

gosh. but sadly, i cant even add her..or her friends..
but that's okay..im not a creeper.wahaha

uhm..i've decided to go back in Friendster Blog today :) creeeeeeepx.
i love you :)

How could you expect me to live without you? One cannont become accustomed to the loss of happiness. -Gustave Flaubert

gosh.

I opened my Facebook and I was so surprised when i saw the requests!

 gosh.. i was sooo shocked.

happy birthday Annasophia Robb!!

well..it's her 17th birthday todaaaayyy!!
Annasophia Robb. I love this girl so much since I was 10.
I'm a month younger than her but I still adore her..
My Favorite Movie that she was in was "Bridge to Terabithia"
she was with Josh Hutcherson and she was sooo cute..
she dressed like a Tomboy..AND I LOVE IT!!

btt (after painting their new house )

btt (with josh)

♥ this!!

bridge to terabithia (with Josh)

rare one.

BUBBLEGUM BLOWING CONTEST, i guess.

eeehhh!! therfore i conclude that..
i'm addicted to her ONCE AGAIN!!!

One Tree Hill :)

So, I’ve been thinking about this whole being happy thing, and I feel like people get lost when they think of happiness as a destination. We’re always thinking that someday we’ll be happy; we’ll get that car or that job or that person in our lives that’ll fix everything. But happiness is a mood, and it’s a condition, not a destination. It’s like being tired or hungry, it’s not permanent. It comes and goes, and that’s okay. And I feel like if people thought of it that way, they’d find happiness more often.


beng. actually. i'm just too tired to write. tahah
anyway, i've made a story a while ago.
i'll just post it on here tomorrow.

still have to search for "something-to-read" for tomorrow in English.
i'm kinda nervous. grrrrrr.

i'm done. i guess. :)

PS:
we're together
and she's singing Godspeed - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
she's so addicted to it. pfff.

♥ her :)

F L A S H P L A Y E R

I need a FlashPlayer now!!!

I'm here in school and this unit sucks!!

It hasn't any FlashPlayer wtf!!

so I can't view the videos!!

I'm really dying to listen to Godspeed - Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

and another Godspeed - Anberlin

well..i'm kinda interested with this Anberlin Band that i've discovered a while ago

i'm so confused about this band (like some people do)

i don't know if they're a Christian Band or a satanic one..

but I've read at Yahoo Answers that...oh just read it there. -.-

and i've seached about this Tooth and Nail. oh well, it's a record label.taha

other thing I've noticed were the bands (i'm familiar with) that sign under it

i think this is enough for now. someone's reading over my shoulder.

MOOD: pissed off >.<

PS

♥ er. pff

the new Facebook profile

i don't know.
i hate it.
meh :|


i'll take a picture of it. argh!!

this is not me..this is one of my friends in Facebook :)

B A C K

gosh..i didn't finish typing the previous entry kay nag brown out man sa computeran to sa school.!!

but anyway, about Jab and I..well, as usual. We're okay now :) and I'm so happy about it..kay nagsorry na xa sakun..and then she told me that she regret being so stupid last night..at first, daw gaduwa2x pa ku kung makikipag-ayos ko sa iya but then finally, i did.. I love her so much after all... and I would just cry if we decide to separate. Kapirdihan man na japun namun duwa..hehe

now.she's minding her own world sa computer5 (computer10 ku) gacomputer man xa..hehe ginpasugtan ko nalang kay dugay man xa wala kakapyot computer.wahaha!!

by the way, I have something to tell..it's a secret..hehe
kay nag order ko sang 2 boxer's shorts sa 2nd Ave para i-gift ko kay Jab sa Dec24!!
I would be surprising her again!! eeehhh!!
they cost 180 all in all kag gina separate ku gid ang payment from my allowance para di ku na bala magasto!!hehe..uhm, ang utang ko nalang to is 120.00 and makaya ko na asta magFriday cguro ah!! :) I love it!!

nothing so special had happened sa school..except sang ginhambalan ko sang teacher ko nga "nearly perfect" kuno ang pagdeliver ko sang "About me" (a description about myself nga ginpa-assignment niya sang Friday) well, i was so thankful to the Lord nga wala ko nabulol pag deliver ko..hehe mu lang na guro subong ah..kapuy type kay du ka tig-a sang keyboard :)

Best friends are the people who make your problems their problems.. just so you don't have to go through them alone ♥


LSS: Beautiful girl (the classic one) ---- aaaarrrgghh!!!

:( I AM SOO DEPRESSED.

Jabei and I had a great fight last night, and until now, it hasn't been settled yet. I feel so upset.. especially when I texted her this morning..I really cried when she replied "?" and then she was so cold. I was telling her how much I love her but she keeps on saying "ah, ok." It really hurts me. I don't know when did it start, but I just remembered something like "nabadtrip xa" and then, she started txting craps.. kag I have really noticed how cold she was last night. I have asked her several times if she's okay.. She said she was. Te amu na to jun..nabadtrip man ku eh..kay its really annoying to know nga ikaw yah, dako ang gana magtxt2x sa iya, pero siya yah, wala gid. So nadulaan man ko gana magtxt eh..i regret it, ginsupukan ku gid siya bi..


and then she went back to normaL

stomach ache :(

i was walking on the road about a couple of minutes ago when i suddenly felt a very strange feeling in my stomach.it's soo painful...i really cried. but then, it disappeared after 5 seconds.. nakibot man ku gani.. hehe.. te todo pahid luha eh.. :) du buang ku to karun yah nga gahibi2x aku lang isa!!

nag-awai kami ni Jabei gali..she said that i'm already forbidden to go to their house every weekend kay gaduda kuno si mama niya..i don't know..i'm not angry with her..nakibot lang gid ko guro sa decision nya nga amu na..kay i used to go there na eh..haixt.

PAUPOK KU NALANG SA COMPUTER AH!!


PS
i still ♥ her. :(

now playing: Skyline Pigeon >>>weirdong classiko!
last song sydrome gid ni karun mung.haha! :(

Angelique's Poems

Please Remind Me

The grime that's accumulated in between my teeth 

Spreading down my throat, and floats in my bile like a boat. 

The mix of sweat and ashes that glue my fingers shut like bandages 

Those encrusted fingers poke the dying fire in my mind. 

The grime that has festered in between my legs and these jeans, 

Is fermenting in a hell too scary to scream. 

Give me water, please, I beg! 

Nevermind, I should dehydrate more, 

Then at least I'd be dead. 

As you search for H20, I'm in a state of mind 

My visions in these frames that are moving too slow. 

Hallucinating, seizures, the sun is a black shadow 

Grey foaming seeps through the corners of my mouth 

I think the only way I could survive is by the shelter of your house 

Alas, you come back with a filled canteen, 

It's cold and small and iridescent green, 

You pry a slit in my dried stiff lips as you hold my trembling neck 

And you pour sweet deliverance, never again will I fret. 

Because I know how close to death I can get. 

And it was scary, but I won't forget. 

Essentials come before regret.

Who Loves ya, Baby? 

For how much longer will I stare into your eyes before it is time to leave? 

While still holding in all the words I wanted to say throughout the best of these weekly two-days, 

That my soul reserves an irreplaceable space for you unto which you cannot fathom, or conceive. 

An ugly soul, a rusted soul, a spot for you to step on in consequence to achieve your goals, 

For whatever they may be, I will be with you, for wherever they may be, most positively. 

I am just the girl that you fell in love with, some fling that exceeded by far that summer love role, 

By the way your eyes grew lazy, you were asking for it, by the way my eyes grew heavy, I wasn't willing to fight it. 

This is what happens when you let love happen, 

This is how it is when you've had your millionth kiss, 

A rub with the noses, 

A dozen blessed roses, 

A rag to bite the pain, 

And an umbrella to make it through the rain. 

Pretty, petty, stinky, 

A lover's war is risky, 

We get together quickly 

And make each other moan. 

Sex and utter empathy, 

A lover's bond is sticky 

We formulate great chemistry 

I just couldn't make it on my own 

A Note For You: 

Incinerating straight to my weakness. 

Just burning on through the layers. 

Wondering where's the thin line between optimistic promises and automatic liars. 

And where it differentiates. 

On my bad days I see what's wrong (what's going on) 

Well, too bad I'm in love, 

And bluntly what a shame; 

To claim a guy and pin him down for the blame. 

Breaking down, what did I say this time? 

I heard another step crumble and fall. 

A chemical weathering from the brain to the walk (to the rock) 

I heard another step crumble and fall. 

Another missing step to our ascend; 

It's a climb, sometimes a struggle, 

And it looks like we might not be able to even touch the top at all. 

It's a call. 

We're on the phone. 

And it's just a call. 

With the smallest intention of all. 

Just reminder to watch your step because it's a high fall. 

And you want to crawl into the cold outside. 

And pick a spot to die inside. 

I'm just tired, be a man. 

You're not a child anymore, 

So put some dignity in your plans. 

And it looks like we might not be able to even reach the the top at all. 

Where do we go? 

When I question us, 

Sometimes I just want to scream at everyone else's mountains "I love you," 

Just to hear it echo. 

And maybe when I second-guess myself I'll hear it and remember to KNOW. 

A pathetic reminder to be less pathetic. 

This won't be easy, and I wasn't expecting it to be. 

But where do we go? 

Where do we go when we reach the top? 

After back and forth replaces up and down, 

We're still stagnant vertically to the level parallel to the ground. 

If there's one thing I ever learned in this world, 

It's that words and actions can NEVER be taken back. 

You either stop it where it's at, or take a minute to brace yourself and digest the crap. 

If there was anything I have ever meant, you could take it to my grave, 

"I desire you, I desire us." 

My writing is brave, 

Because actions and words can NEVER be taken back. 

There's a thin line between optimistic promises and automatic liars, 

You're incinerating straight to my weakness 

Just burning on through the layers. 

But there's no doubt in my mind, we'll find a peaceful place in time. 

Together, or not, I'm keeping my word until the day that I drop. 

Another Way of Dying. 

He holds me close and sings to me. 
He barely sings to me, but I can hear. 

He's tense and comfortable. 
Out of no obligation, 
He treats me the way a girl should be handled. 

Soft and smooth. 
Sculpting my body through the tool of his hands. 
Grabbing every demension perfectly 
And pressuring the curves. 

Forming every slow note to anticipate my ear. 
He was breathing on my fingertips. 

My heart is beating in my brain, and I can barely hear. 

But I'm there. 
He is there. 

And he is so close. 
Closer than our lips can touch. 

And our eyes lock. 
I am poisoned. 
I die in his eyes. 
With an orgasm. 

I lose grip and fall off the cliff I have been climbing. 
He had to bring me back to earth like sleeping beauty. 

I had died, I swear. 
My heart stopped. 

No sex, I swear. 
But we were there... 

When a Crybaby Cries 

So fear now. 
Honey, this is your only way out. 

Don't cry, no. 
With fake seeds your finger sows. 
So they will never ever know. 

If we just keep going the way that we grow. 

So fear... 
Fear now. 

It's easy to get carried away... 
I am who doesn't turn on ranaway. 
And trust in lust 'cause it'll fuck us one day... 

So let us keep our minds straight. 

Don't you cry love. 
You know I can't bare to see your tears. 
It fucks with my hormonal gears. 

And to know that we are serious: 
I could just stab my eyes. 'Cause this love's blind. 
This is the romanticism... 
Screw their virgin realism and run away with me. 

With every touch and every taste 
I carve your name in eager haste... 

Never let the memories scar. 
Because I have been living off you so far.. 

So fear now. 
'Cause sometimes He says fear not. 
With what words less, I've still been bought. 

Whatever you do. 
Don't bleed. 
Do not cry. 

With reasons I am just about ripe to show you why. 

Whoa... 
Oh-oh... 
Coming slow... 
When you're done let me know. 

So fear now. 
We were intentioned to be children of the Lord. 
We were challenged to be children of the Lord. 

My love, 
You quit crying on this fucking bed or I- 
Keep crying and there's nothing I won't do. 
Ah! to you. 

Quit your fucking crying, baby. 
Let me hold your tears in this feeling... 
I bet it would be quite filling. 

And on my hunger point... 
This feels better than any joint... 
I won't stop until it's done... 
But I'd run away because lust had won. 

Please, Baby. 
Please, Baby. 
Please, Baby. 

Fuck! Stop crying on the bed. 
Stop crying over me, 
Oh please listen to what I said?! 
Now WE FEAR, WE FEAR, WE FEAR... 
You fuckers better listen to what I said! 

'Cause you're crying on the bed 
(like you really want it.) 
And we just might end up dead! 

Inter[ILL]usion 

These pills, they are awful. 
These pills, they are good. 
These pills... They make feel, quite content, well-kept, and understood. 

A quiet, selfish, secret statement. 
A speed dial for bloodlined insecurity. 

Take me back home, when I've been out for too long. 
And they tuck me into bed; and put things in my head all the night long. 
I become this heat, that I can breathe red. 
You are (the best)x4 

Thank you so much, you bring out the best in me. 

These pills... They were made for me for you. 

And you will love me one day. 
Every little one I see. 
You belong to the soul of me. 

These pills... They turn me inside out. 

And expose of what I have to give. 
(What I was brought upon this earth to grieve.) 

It may be sick 
It could be wrong 
But deep down inside, 
Is where they belong... 

All of them. 
The whole bottle and some. 
To teach you a message I haven't grasped yet. 
And you'll miss me. 
And love me. 
And loathe me. 

And you will say fuck me. 
And bleed and die. 

It is all because of me, that is the beautiful reason why. 


And as I let it get the best of me... 
I deafen you from my existance... 
And laugh in your face. 
Laughing at what you can say to me. 

So sing to me, pretty, pixiedust; and undeniable thirst of rust. 

As you roll right down my throat. 
AND I'LL GIVE THE WORLD WHAT YOU GIVE TO ME. 
As I'm soaring over a rainbow moat. 

But I know in the end, 
That time will descend. 

They say time is gold... 
And the bottle shit will never get old... 

Take a look again and see that I am past a trend. 

But Beautiful Fiend, 
I CAN wait... 

I still see my life touching death in fate and it takes apart of me. 

Save me, pills. 
Poison thrills 

Listen to what I've become... 

And I'll start anew all over... 
For I AM a legion of them 
For I AM plenty... LOVE THAT ENDS... 
And I'll start anew all over... 
Several people again... 

SEVERAL FUCKED UP PEOPLE AGAIN!