i want to die.

we had a row last night. i mean, my mother and I.
i used to respect her, but..i dont know
i just found myself shouting back at her. maybe because she insulted my real family in front of many people..
i do not care much about my real family, but i dont know, maybe after all I still care about them..
i wanna go somewhere else. i really hate her. i hate them all.
i just dont want to be compared with someone else, especially with a woman who was never been a mother to me..
maybe you dont understand everything, and that's good for you..
Jab's the only one who understands..
i dont know. i wanna die.




shiRo ♥ jaBei forever

we are over.

i guess we are. :(
so sad right now.
i'm thinking if would delete all my accounts.
i hate life. i hate everyone.

and the feb14 letter that i was supposed to give was thrown on the garbage can.
i just can't bear it.



shiRo ♥ jaBei forever

THE BIGGEST SHIT

"you let out the dragon inside me!!" -- Miss Weng

well, yeah. this day is a total shit. I really want to die!!! or go somewhere else..no, i wanna go to place where computer doesn't exist!! hell yea, I wanted to go back to 1900's.. of the A.D.'s or B.C.'s..whatever.. it's all because of the fact that i am soooooo pissed off with our Computer 2 teacher, well, not really with her..but with the decisions that she have made this morning.
this isn't a big deal, really. she's just dropping the whole class, that's all.
and thank God, she has a little mercy left, she won't be dropping us if we pass FIVE MS Access Database on MONDAY..ALL ON MONDAY.


i could say that we all deserved it.. I mean, we got into her nerves. and one thing, she's pregnant.. and she's not supposed to get angry or something. but..well, we provoked her to.. and it's our fault. yeah..i'm one of the reasons..we're late. we arrived like 7:30am? and our class begins at 7am..she was, like, so furious! she was cursing all of us and that's it..we consumed the remaining 30minutes listening to her..looking at our knees and all..

fuck. i shouldn't be here.. i should be working on our database..

P.S.
WE ALL DON'T KNOW HOW TO WORK THIS SHIT OUT.
but it's now or never..and I really have to do my best, or else..I will be dead.
so help me, God.

shiRo ♥ jaBei forever

FOG. FOG. FOG.

oh hey.

well. the fog is so thick this morning.

when i went to school, i thought it was better if i just leave my jacket because the climate already came back to normal. i mean, it is getting hotter these days..no more weird and cold wind every morning and every night.

but when the tricycle (yeah i chose to ride on a tricycle today) arrived at the school, woah.. it was soooo cold. and anyway, our teacher is pregnant. :) and she chose to be optimistic from now on..i came late, as usual.. and then she was like, "hey! what happened to your hair?!" lol. and to which i replied "oh, shut the fuck up" well in my mind of course..my real reply was "leave it, miss"

-brb~

i am back..oh well by the way, yesterday, i spent the whole afternoon at Jabei's. uhh well, we're super okay.. and then ugh. we had a fight last night. i don't know..it is not a fight, she just went cold,all of a sudden. i don't wanna talk about it here.

shiRo ♥ jaBei forever

i wish i didn't cry much.

oh. i am just sad.
sad because of something.
something that i would never ever write here.

oh i'm getting really crazzyyyyy!!!!
and its all just because of this stupid keyboard!!
the number keys on the top of the qwertyuiop isn't functioning!!
and i have no choice but to use the alt- wtf..
well, honestly this problem is about ages ago..i just didn't want you to know about it.
got to go.

shiRo ♥ jaBei forever

two is better than one.

I have enjoyed the previous night with my Jab. Wala ko kacomputer. That is why I didn't open this blog yesterday. We chose to be with each other nalang, kay sang last Wednesday night, wala kami mayu ka updanay eh.

eeehh. and Two is Better than One gatukar gid yah paulit2x ah!!
i think it would be my Last Song Syndrome again.



Two Is Better Than One ~ Taylor Swift and – Boys Like Girls Song Lyrics


oh..haixt.
i miss my meg so much already.

look at him :)

he's seth..hehe

i can't give enough infos because i don't know him yet..

i'll give it a try..

wahahahah!!

errm.i miss Jab so much :(

it's pretty boring here..

i miss her to death!!!!!

but we'll be seeing each other later at 6pm..

i'll still be waiting over ages!!!!!

and i don't wanna go home!!!!

hey hey!!

uhm..meju wai na klase eh..haha!!
so nagcomp ku di anay..
i am sorry if i'm not updating you ha, kay i'm still loyal sa akun nga diary..hehe
and i don't trust this place..i just want to post random things that's why i made this. :)

anyway..
i am just glad to say that Jab gave me a brown stripped shirt last night!!
and I LOVE IT!!! so much!! hehe..and then we ate fries sa plaza..
kag gindul-ong ya ku dayon sa balay..how sweet.hehe

uhm..but right now, i think we're not okay..
kay aga pa ko gani nag-online..she hates it eh..
i don't know. maybe i should get outta here now..


qoute:


Sometimes when in love, we doubt that which we most believe.




PS:
I ♥ her. soo much.

waiting for tonight..:)

hi..aku gleh si jab ah..
im waiting for my meg...so ive decided to right here as ive promise to her..
that these days il gonna post sumthing in our blog..
so nothing is special today,,im preparing a surprise gift for my meg's b day..so keep quiet..:O..
  shes coming nahh..sooo...next time ulet!!byeeeeeeeeeeeee..



its..05:45pm..
p.c 10..
04.01.2011

WAR....again

we had a fight today..you know, some sort of misunderstandings once again..haixt
i feel so stupid. i don't wanna talk about this thing but my hands keep on typing on this shit.
yeah, i admit it. it's all my fault. i am so childish and that's the glitch. pfft!!

uhm. one day to go. it's new year.
not so excited. i've never been.
i just want to be taken away to January.
i'm done with this year, i'm tired of everyone here.



i guess. this is enough for now.

PS
i still love and treasure my diary more than this blog. so i wont give exact informations in my life. this is still on the Internet,an extremely dangerous stuff. i don't wanna risk everything. i'm still scared.

PS2
we're planning to make a Youtube account.
it would be exciting. :|

i miss her. i love her. and i don't wanna lose her :(

A STUPID THING CALLED LOVE.

i can barely type. i am so depressed. :(
i think, this is really it. the end of all.
the last update on this blog. i quit.
i can not bear the pain any longer.
i'm giving up.
oh God. thank You so much.
You gave me the best Christmas gift in my whole entire life.
the gift called FREEDOM.

hungry

sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo hungryyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy





:(

it ends tonight.

the war..was done.

but it didn't end in a nice way.

i'm so sad about it.:(

i just have to tell the story before anything else:

te kay nagshopping kami ni Earth sa Lucky99 Store (sa Paradise)

and then wai xa japun gareply sakun mung..but surprisingly, i saw her sa plaza (sa kilid sang girl's lavatory) nga gakaun sang fries..like we used to do..:( i yelled her name as a usual greeting..but then she just ignored me..wai nya gid ku gani gintulok. :( ginsapak xa ni Earth, she said, "puli na kamo?diri lang ko ta ah" jun muh na eh..ginPALAPITAN KO NA GID XA..kay indi nagid ko kaagwanta.i asked her "te indi kagid magsunod??" two times..gahulat si Nanay, so i need to go..wai nya gid ko ginsapak..muh na eh.. i was just biting my tongue para ndi ko kahibi sa tubangan ni Nanay ko.. puh sang naghiwalay na kami..(ako pakadto Roelyn, xa yah sa balay) muh na to pagbreakdown ko..i looked like a fool kay cge ko lakat, cge man ko sang hibi2x..it was like, i was lost. haixt

 

nakipagbreak nalang ko cya ah..

wai naman pulos kabuhi ko now that she's not a part of it.

she keeps me living..she's my life. :(

and now that she's gone, i have to go naman..

i don't know where.. but maybe.. sa lugar nga di na ku kahibi.. ndi na ku mahurt. :(

haixt Lord. what do You really want me to learn?

nabuldayan nagid ko kaayu Lord yah..

sturyahanay naman ta ni karun buong magdamag i guess..

im planning to commit suicide pag-abot ku sa balay..

may the Lord forgive me and hug me when my breathe stops.

i will always be loving her..forever.

meg, plangga tagid ka ha..

dont cry..i love you chubz ko.forever.

Christmas Party :(

Christmas party subong sa school.
10:00am cguro nagstart and right now, gakaun-kaun palang to cla.
i don't hate parties puh, nabadtrip gid ku yah..mu na nga nagkadto nalang ku di.
i ought to be happy but there are so many ways to be sad.
first off, it's just a little misunderstanding lang man ah..nag-away kami.
te kay i saw my cousin, Janine. then i gave her a kiss.. well, indi manlang ako ang nagkiss ya ah..pati xa man, it's not a big deal para samun ang lips to lips smack thing. (though its our first time to do it) sa public pa beh.hehe
some boys were staring at us gani muh, haha..but its Jab who took it seriously, gulpi lang xa nadula and then pagbalik nya, wala nya na ko ginsapak. haixt
daw kailinit bala haw, i asked her eh. mu 2 jun ginhambal yah nga she felt so jealous with my cousin. WHAT THE FUCK?! teh wai ku gani mayu nagreact sang gin-open topic yah si Blankie (TJ). (her ex-love) she was our classmate man ah sang high school. uhm muh na eh. she told me sang nagkaun kami sa 1-stop that she saw Blankie sa 3rd floor, then they high-fived then Blankie wont get rid of her hands (xa:te indi man ko kapalag) yuta! and then she attempted to slid Jab's hands inside her shirt or her shoulders lang. i dunno. she seems so "mailap" with her own tale. muh na jun..
tapos wala man ko nagdaug sa ticket. its worth P5000. biskan consolation nalang tani bala haw. haixt.
i hate this day. i hate myself. i just wanna die.

im gonna check these out later:
emo quotes
emo quotes again

PS:
im so hungry..
i still love her :(

meg??

she's kind of not herself lately.
i don't know why.
we're together now.
but.

stomach ache :(

i was walking on the road about a couple of minutes ago when i suddenly felt a very strange feeling in my stomach.it's soo painful...i really cried. but then, it disappeared after 5 seconds.. nakibot man ku gani.. hehe.. te todo pahid luha eh.. :) du buang ku to karun yah nga gahibi2x aku lang isa!!

nag-awai kami ni Jabei gali..she said that i'm already forbidden to go to their house every weekend kay gaduda kuno si mama niya..i don't know..i'm not angry with her..nakibot lang gid ko guro sa decision nya nga amu na..kay i used to go there na eh..haixt.

PAUPOK KU NALANG SA COMPUTER AH!!


PS
i still ♥ her. :(

now playing: Skyline Pigeon >>>weirdong classiko!
last song sydrome gid ni karun mung.haha! :(

Angelique's Poems

Please Remind Me

The grime that's accumulated in between my teeth 

Spreading down my throat, and floats in my bile like a boat. 

The mix of sweat and ashes that glue my fingers shut like bandages 

Those encrusted fingers poke the dying fire in my mind. 

The grime that has festered in between my legs and these jeans, 

Is fermenting in a hell too scary to scream. 

Give me water, please, I beg! 

Nevermind, I should dehydrate more, 

Then at least I'd be dead. 

As you search for H20, I'm in a state of mind 

My visions in these frames that are moving too slow. 

Hallucinating, seizures, the sun is a black shadow 

Grey foaming seeps through the corners of my mouth 

I think the only way I could survive is by the shelter of your house 

Alas, you come back with a filled canteen, 

It's cold and small and iridescent green, 

You pry a slit in my dried stiff lips as you hold my trembling neck 

And you pour sweet deliverance, never again will I fret. 

Because I know how close to death I can get. 

And it was scary, but I won't forget. 

Essentials come before regret.

Who Loves ya, Baby? 

For how much longer will I stare into your eyes before it is time to leave? 

While still holding in all the words I wanted to say throughout the best of these weekly two-days, 

That my soul reserves an irreplaceable space for you unto which you cannot fathom, or conceive. 

An ugly soul, a rusted soul, a spot for you to step on in consequence to achieve your goals, 

For whatever they may be, I will be with you, for wherever they may be, most positively. 

I am just the girl that you fell in love with, some fling that exceeded by far that summer love role, 

By the way your eyes grew lazy, you were asking for it, by the way my eyes grew heavy, I wasn't willing to fight it. 

This is what happens when you let love happen, 

This is how it is when you've had your millionth kiss, 

A rub with the noses, 

A dozen blessed roses, 

A rag to bite the pain, 

And an umbrella to make it through the rain. 

Pretty, petty, stinky, 

A lover's war is risky, 

We get together quickly 

And make each other moan. 

Sex and utter empathy, 

A lover's bond is sticky 

We formulate great chemistry 

I just couldn't make it on my own 

A Note For You: 

Incinerating straight to my weakness. 

Just burning on through the layers. 

Wondering where's the thin line between optimistic promises and automatic liars. 

And where it differentiates. 

On my bad days I see what's wrong (what's going on) 

Well, too bad I'm in love, 

And bluntly what a shame; 

To claim a guy and pin him down for the blame. 

Breaking down, what did I say this time? 

I heard another step crumble and fall. 

A chemical weathering from the brain to the walk (to the rock) 

I heard another step crumble and fall. 

Another missing step to our ascend; 

It's a climb, sometimes a struggle, 

And it looks like we might not be able to even touch the top at all. 

It's a call. 

We're on the phone. 

And it's just a call. 

With the smallest intention of all. 

Just reminder to watch your step because it's a high fall. 

And you want to crawl into the cold outside. 

And pick a spot to die inside. 

I'm just tired, be a man. 

You're not a child anymore, 

So put some dignity in your plans. 

And it looks like we might not be able to even reach the the top at all. 

Where do we go? 

When I question us, 

Sometimes I just want to scream at everyone else's mountains "I love you," 

Just to hear it echo. 

And maybe when I second-guess myself I'll hear it and remember to KNOW. 

A pathetic reminder to be less pathetic. 

This won't be easy, and I wasn't expecting it to be. 

But where do we go? 

Where do we go when we reach the top? 

After back and forth replaces up and down, 

We're still stagnant vertically to the level parallel to the ground. 

If there's one thing I ever learned in this world, 

It's that words and actions can NEVER be taken back. 

You either stop it where it's at, or take a minute to brace yourself and digest the crap. 

If there was anything I have ever meant, you could take it to my grave, 

"I desire you, I desire us." 

My writing is brave, 

Because actions and words can NEVER be taken back. 

There's a thin line between optimistic promises and automatic liars, 

You're incinerating straight to my weakness 

Just burning on through the layers. 

But there's no doubt in my mind, we'll find a peaceful place in time. 

Together, or not, I'm keeping my word until the day that I drop. 

Another Way of Dying. 

He holds me close and sings to me. 
He barely sings to me, but I can hear. 

He's tense and comfortable. 
Out of no obligation, 
He treats me the way a girl should be handled. 

Soft and smooth. 
Sculpting my body through the tool of his hands. 
Grabbing every demension perfectly 
And pressuring the curves. 

Forming every slow note to anticipate my ear. 
He was breathing on my fingertips. 

My heart is beating in my brain, and I can barely hear. 

But I'm there. 
He is there. 

And he is so close. 
Closer than our lips can touch. 

And our eyes lock. 
I am poisoned. 
I die in his eyes. 
With an orgasm. 

I lose grip and fall off the cliff I have been climbing. 
He had to bring me back to earth like sleeping beauty. 

I had died, I swear. 
My heart stopped. 

No sex, I swear. 
But we were there... 

When a Crybaby Cries 

So fear now. 
Honey, this is your only way out. 

Don't cry, no. 
With fake seeds your finger sows. 
So they will never ever know. 

If we just keep going the way that we grow. 

So fear... 
Fear now. 

It's easy to get carried away... 
I am who doesn't turn on ranaway. 
And trust in lust 'cause it'll fuck us one day... 

So let us keep our minds straight. 

Don't you cry love. 
You know I can't bare to see your tears. 
It fucks with my hormonal gears. 

And to know that we are serious: 
I could just stab my eyes. 'Cause this love's blind. 
This is the romanticism... 
Screw their virgin realism and run away with me. 

With every touch and every taste 
I carve your name in eager haste... 

Never let the memories scar. 
Because I have been living off you so far.. 

So fear now. 
'Cause sometimes He says fear not. 
With what words less, I've still been bought. 

Whatever you do. 
Don't bleed. 
Do not cry. 

With reasons I am just about ripe to show you why. 

Whoa... 
Oh-oh... 
Coming slow... 
When you're done let me know. 

So fear now. 
We were intentioned to be children of the Lord. 
We were challenged to be children of the Lord. 

My love, 
You quit crying on this fucking bed or I- 
Keep crying and there's nothing I won't do. 
Ah! to you. 

Quit your fucking crying, baby. 
Let me hold your tears in this feeling... 
I bet it would be quite filling. 

And on my hunger point... 
This feels better than any joint... 
I won't stop until it's done... 
But I'd run away because lust had won. 

Please, Baby. 
Please, Baby. 
Please, Baby. 

Fuck! Stop crying on the bed. 
Stop crying over me, 
Oh please listen to what I said?! 
Now WE FEAR, WE FEAR, WE FEAR... 
You fuckers better listen to what I said! 

'Cause you're crying on the bed 
(like you really want it.) 
And we just might end up dead! 

Inter[ILL]usion 

These pills, they are awful. 
These pills, they are good. 
These pills... They make feel, quite content, well-kept, and understood. 

A quiet, selfish, secret statement. 
A speed dial for bloodlined insecurity. 

Take me back home, when I've been out for too long. 
And they tuck me into bed; and put things in my head all the night long. 
I become this heat, that I can breathe red. 
You are (the best)x4 

Thank you so much, you bring out the best in me. 

These pills... They were made for me for you. 

And you will love me one day. 
Every little one I see. 
You belong to the soul of me. 

These pills... They turn me inside out. 

And expose of what I have to give. 
(What I was brought upon this earth to grieve.) 

It may be sick 
It could be wrong 
But deep down inside, 
Is where they belong... 

All of them. 
The whole bottle and some. 
To teach you a message I haven't grasped yet. 
And you'll miss me. 
And love me. 
And loathe me. 

And you will say fuck me. 
And bleed and die. 

It is all because of me, that is the beautiful reason why. 


And as I let it get the best of me... 
I deafen you from my existance... 
And laugh in your face. 
Laughing at what you can say to me. 

So sing to me, pretty, pixiedust; and undeniable thirst of rust. 

As you roll right down my throat. 
AND I'LL GIVE THE WORLD WHAT YOU GIVE TO ME. 
As I'm soaring over a rainbow moat. 

But I know in the end, 
That time will descend. 

They say time is gold... 
And the bottle shit will never get old... 

Take a look again and see that I am past a trend. 

But Beautiful Fiend, 
I CAN wait... 

I still see my life touching death in fate and it takes apart of me. 

Save me, pills. 
Poison thrills 

Listen to what I've become... 

And I'll start anew all over... 
For I AM a legion of them 
For I AM plenty... LOVE THAT ENDS... 
And I'll start anew all over... 
Several people again... 

SEVERAL FUCKED UP PEOPLE AGAIN!

Autumn Times

Autumn breeze frigidly touches ailing dreadful lives

Harshly darkness quietly surrounds the broken souls
Mellow serenades that once played between hearts
Pathetically have transformed into bitter sad songs

Somewhere beyond the flossy clouds
Cupid has lost his romancing arrows
Plays sad sonorous tunes on his bow
Dedicated to all weepy lonely hearts

Howling chilly wind blows through the mist
Sounds of sorrow spread allover the place
Fuzzy humid air submerges the inner lust
Lives decay slowly as the autumn leaves fall...


np: Ever Since the World Began :) classic.

shoes. :(

argh!! i can't walk straight!!
eeehh..ara na naman ang sabad nga Enter hu..gabalik yah!! yorts..
katalaka gid ah..hehe

but anyway ha, my feet REALLY hurts!!
as in..gahibi na ku gani gawa di hu..eehhhh
takit takit gid yaaaahhh!!!
i dont know..puh basi namag-uhan naman guro suksok sang school shoes eh..hehe
baw pila gid to daan ka-days wala mayu class..puh nagpuli na ko ah..kag nagchange na ko sang slippers.haixt.
i feel better na.

i just wanna share what had happened sa school kagina nga hapon..well, 1:00-2:00 wala class, so its okay..we just waited there and its kinda boring..2pm.gosh kalbaryo!! yeah2x. it was a turture. hehe
te kay i was expecting that the same teacher would be handling us..puh no!!! it was the son of our school dentist who will be teaching us for the rest of the semester!! but i sorta like him..muh lang na galing. daw ka weirdadoo sa iya..and then he was speaking english all throughout the meeting. gosh. kakanosebleed pare!!
and we have an assignment for Monday..we're going to introduce ourselves..i hate that stuff.wtf

eeehh..bad news pagid..our teacher in SocSci 2 would be Ms.Cawit again!! i don't hate her..but i don't like her either!! uhm..basta ah!! te kay Sociology na xa namun!! and then SocSci pagid!?! SocSci is 1pm-2:30pm while Sociology is 4pm-5:30!! it would be an AWESOME semester for me i guess..

ahai ah..wala man di xa japun..hidlaw na ku cya puh.. :(
haixt by the way..tatay went to Calatrava kagina..
kag wala ko nka-say goodbye sa iya kay ginkadtuan ko si Jabei.
i was having my lunch when she texted me nga she needs an immediate help..
she was on the Agora Market that time kag lowbat nagid xa (that was according to her txt)
so para hindi maghinala si mother earth ko, i finished my food then i told her nga mbakal ko yellowpad sa tinda..wtf i was lying.
tatay was still eating sang naglakat ko..

pag-abot sa tinda, mahulog gali xa kwarta..te basta amu na eh..blah blah..
nag-upod xa sakun sa house kag pagbalik namun, wala na si tatay..
ayawan xa kuno hulat sakun.
i don't know why i feel so bad. but i'm not blaming anyone..
i just feel so bad for myself..nga wala ko ka-hug cya..
i don't know.maybe subong ku lang gid guro nabatyagan ang presence sang isa ka tuod-tuod nga tatay and then, madula dayon..it's like being a One-day-Billionaire.
wala ko manlang xa nakita for the last time..i feel so sad until now.

when will i ever see him again??

PS.
she's here na :)

Is it the end of all?

its time to change the language..i feel like speaking my own dialect at this point of time..cguro sa tama nga kaakig? i dunno..indi man ko akig ah..i was just having my usual mood-shifts..ambot sa iya ah kay nangakig man xa.

i don't know what had really happened..du kadasig lang bala aw..(around 3:30pm) we were just walking pakadto sa LCCC kay gusto nya magwatch sang Inang Lahi..te kay gakumod-kumod ko kay daw bitin akun nga pagcomputer..then she went insisting nga mabalik nalang kami kuno sa Roelyns (computer shop) te kay indi na ko..haizt. dayon, amu na to eh..du ginbayaan nya na ko. I cried.


jun cge lang ko sunod cya..she was sitting on the Filipino Building sa stairs..du gusto ku xa palapitan puh basi indi yah ku pagsapakon..te wala nalang eh..then suddenly I saw her walking past me.nagpungko to sya sa mga chairs para maglantaw na sa Inang Lahi. I don't know if she didn't really notice me..or nagbulag-bulagan lang xa..haixt.

maprayer meeting nalang ko dugay2x ah..i would pray nga tani...mapatawad nya ku.
diri na lang guro asta.cge ah..xo :(

PS:
I ♥ HER sooooooo much :(

til bones do us part..